This was my balcony jungle at the end of Summer...a triumph in color and texture and fragrance. But, alas, the season has ended and has given way to fallen leaves, cold, brisk winds...and scary spiders...
The jungle is gone, and I made one last attempt at holiday décor in the interest of my children. Then I realized that they have grown beyond the need or even interest in holiday decorating. I had always tried to create an atmosphere for different holidays, creating various traditions along the way. It seemed at the time to inspire their imaginations and create a fun sense of excitement for the next phase of the year. But this year, there remains two untouched pumpkins on the balcony...my famous baked pumpkin seeds a thing of the past. The kids looked sideways at the decorations with polite yet obvious disdain. Today I will remove the decorations...putting them in my new box kept in the basement for next Spring marked "Yard Sale."
As the old gives away to new experiences, I find myself in unchartered waters. For so long I have been defined as "their mom." Now I move towards an empty nest, alone....and I don't know how to do that! Damn it...another manual to life that I am missing. But truly, no one can define your future but yourself. That is what "they" say. How poetic and ridiculously unhelpful! I tend to approach life in a practical, day-to-day, what am I going to do today kind of way. I develop routines so that I can keep that emptiness at bay, but now what? I can't use the kids to fill that void anymore. Time for Momma to grow up too. Don't get me wrong. I embrace this challenge but am also scared to death. So, I had to look at this in a practical "to-do" way. It's kind of like when I started a family, started a business, got cancer...I had to think about the practical things "to do". You have a baby...well, you buy a crib, paint a room blue or pink. You start a business...well, you write your business plan, implement goals. You get cancer...well, first you freak out, then you find out your options, have surgery, go through treatments.
So, what's my treatment for the next phase...I used a "lifeline" and talked to my 22 year old son. I have been watching him struggle with his next phase in life, so we sat outside on the front stoop one day and just chatted in the cool Autumn air, the fallen leaves rustling in the gentle breeze, both of us looking whistfully at our feet..."Where are our feet going to take us next?" He had a wonderful idea. A goal...if you will. I had to adjust his premise just slightly to adapt to the practical nature of having a job and still supporting two kids, but I think he is on to something. A clear action to set me on the path to finding what I am going to do with the rest of my life...or with the next few years anyway.
He knows of my boredom with my own circumstance...my constant search for something that will break me out of the predictable nature of my existence. Simply stated..."Mom, try something new everyday and write about it." Knowing that doing that everyday could be slightly daunting and perhaps not practical or achievable, we agreed on the concept, but I will start by finding something new to do and write about once a week. Now, please, Reader, do not get your hopes up! I do not bungee jump or do anything like sky-diving....that just isn't going to happen. But there are some things...this should be fun. Welcome to my next phase....time to put away the Halloween decorations and time to test drive a Porsche! Aahhh, sweet dreams!
As the old gives away to new experiences, I find myself in unchartered waters. For so long I have been defined as "their mom." Now I move towards an empty nest, alone....and I don't know how to do that! Damn it...another manual to life that I am missing. But truly, no one can define your future but yourself. That is what "they" say. How poetic and ridiculously unhelpful! I tend to approach life in a practical, day-to-day, what am I going to do today kind of way. I develop routines so that I can keep that emptiness at bay, but now what? I can't use the kids to fill that void anymore. Time for Momma to grow up too. Don't get me wrong. I embrace this challenge but am also scared to death. So, I had to look at this in a practical "to-do" way. It's kind of like when I started a family, started a business, got cancer...I had to think about the practical things "to do". You have a baby...well, you buy a crib, paint a room blue or pink. You start a business...well, you write your business plan, implement goals. You get cancer...well, first you freak out, then you find out your options, have surgery, go through treatments.
So, what's my treatment for the next phase...I used a "lifeline" and talked to my 22 year old son. I have been watching him struggle with his next phase in life, so we sat outside on the front stoop one day and just chatted in the cool Autumn air, the fallen leaves rustling in the gentle breeze, both of us looking whistfully at our feet..."Where are our feet going to take us next?" He had a wonderful idea. A goal...if you will. I had to adjust his premise just slightly to adapt to the practical nature of having a job and still supporting two kids, but I think he is on to something. A clear action to set me on the path to finding what I am going to do with the rest of my life...or with the next few years anyway.
He knows of my boredom with my own circumstance...my constant search for something that will break me out of the predictable nature of my existence. Simply stated..."Mom, try something new everyday and write about it." Knowing that doing that everyday could be slightly daunting and perhaps not practical or achievable, we agreed on the concept, but I will start by finding something new to do and write about once a week. Now, please, Reader, do not get your hopes up! I do not bungee jump or do anything like sky-diving....that just isn't going to happen. But there are some things...this should be fun. Welcome to my next phase....time to put away the Halloween decorations and time to test drive a Porsche! Aahhh, sweet dreams!
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