It has been quite a week as I watch my children navigate their lives. My daughter had several "firsts", first real date, first dance, first kiss, first fight, first break up. She accomplished more in the span of seven days than many of us achieve in seven years...and none the worse for wear. Unscathed, she shook herself off and stated, "I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders." I snicker at her youthful wisdom.
Then I watch my son toil with his life choices, feeling the weight of the world, thinking that every decision he now makes at 22 will somehow be the "end all", wanting to be sure his decision is the "right" one. I pause, I snicker at his youthful wisdom. I yearn for that feeling that somehow my choices will seal my fate and determine what I will be doing and where I will be at in 20 years. I snicker at my own healthy dose of reality.
Then I watch my son toil with his life choices, feeling the weight of the world, thinking that every decision he now makes at 22 will somehow be the "end all", wanting to be sure his decision is the "right" one. I pause, I snicker at his youthful wisdom. I yearn for that feeling that somehow my choices will seal my fate and determine what I will be doing and where I will be at in 20 years. I snicker at my own healthy dose of reality.
Perhaps the hardest part of growing up is realizing that the cross roads are all part of the journey...one that is paramount to the journey continuing and being worth living. My mom started telling me when my husband left that "this too shall pass". But what she did not mention is that once the emotional upheaval of passing through one cross road is done, you suddenly find yourself at another cross road, and another, and another. That is, if you allow yourself.
My ex often said I liked change and he did not. There was some truth to that for sure. When young, I sought out excitement...challenges...cross roads. As I got older I found that life had enough of a roller coaster in store for me that I did not need to search it out. Don't get me wrong. I desperately sought out "normal" in an effort to please. How else do you think I ended up sentenced to life in the Midwest? I made a choice out of trying to determine what would be best for me for the next 20 years, or should I say what I thought was expected of me. I made a choice, one that lingers on the lips. My son is at that age of searching for that "right" decision. I pause and take a deep breath. He doesn't want to make a decision he will "regret". Ahhhh, and therein lies our deepest tormentor. "What if?" And therein lies experience when you realize, if you are lucky, that regret is simply not a useful commodity. If we spend time regretting our choices, we lose valuable time during which we could learn from those choices. I try not to use the work "mistake" because if there is one thing growing older can impart is that we may not make the best choices, but more often than not, those choices build who we are and shape our future ability to be happy no matter what cross road we come upon.
My ex often said I liked change and he did not. There was some truth to that for sure. When young, I sought out excitement...challenges...cross roads. As I got older I found that life had enough of a roller coaster in store for me that I did not need to search it out. Don't get me wrong. I desperately sought out "normal" in an effort to please. How else do you think I ended up sentenced to life in the Midwest? I made a choice out of trying to determine what would be best for me for the next 20 years, or should I say what I thought was expected of me. I made a choice, one that lingers on the lips. My son is at that age of searching for that "right" decision. I pause and take a deep breath. He doesn't want to make a decision he will "regret". Ahhhh, and therein lies our deepest tormentor. "What if?" And therein lies experience when you realize, if you are lucky, that regret is simply not a useful commodity. If we spend time regretting our choices, we lose valuable time during which we could learn from those choices. I try not to use the work "mistake" because if there is one thing growing older can impart is that we may not make the best choices, but more often than not, those choices build who we are and shape our future ability to be happy no matter what cross road we come upon.
You may think you can chose Purgatory or Paradise here on earth. Nope! We can only try our best, making choices as we go...not over-judging ourselves or those around us. And as long as we have the option to chose our paths...well, then we are alive and very, very lucky. No regrets...just lesson learned and...Next cross road if you please.
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