5am walk on Lake Michigan Day 21: I am thankful for finding my "happy place".
As we all work hard in our lives...secretly we are yearning for that happy place. Many of us self-medicate hoping to reach that place or we work harder trying to avoid that emptiness that grows wider and wider within ourselves. Our American society has built empires on "the fix" to this age old problem...the search for the happy place.When I recently moved to the City, I had hoped that it would make "all the difference" in my life....help me find a satisfaction I have been yearning for during the last ten years...help me find my happy place. I had submerged, and, yes, hidden, myself in my role as a mother when my ex left. But as the kids get older and I find that role no longer a sufficient cover story, well, time to engage again in life. Moving to the City has helped but has also been far more difficult than I anticipated. I have had to face my demons on a daily basis and realize that every day is a challenge and quite scary. All my anticipated plans for life are slowly crumbling away like old concrete. Marriage, children, home ownership...I feel like I am on a journey into a foggy place with no road map. It makes me realize why there are so many self-help books, gurus, and medications on the market. This growing up is hard to do.
So, I awake daily...looking closely at my choices through each day. I am one messed up person, but what I am learning is that I can make choices in a very deliberate fashion...good and bad...every day. No self-help book or diet or medication is going to help me find my happy place. My happy place is mine. And every day is mine. How cliché, right?! Well, strangely enough, I have never approached each day in its own merit...not since I was younger. Life became about "groups" of time. What I could achieve in 12 weeks...lose 20 pounds, get a promotion, get through the first trimester of my pregnancy. And after this last move, my life took a turbo leap. With the changes I am watching in my childrens' lives and my own encounter with cancer, it has become painfully clear...every day is a jewel. Again, cliché, but true. The hardest thing for me has been to enjoy moments...and find my happy place.
Today I shared a special moment with my son. I took an hour break from work a couple of months ago for lunch. My son and I were going to watch a TV show recording we had wanted to see. Funny how we thought watching TV was a bonding experience. The TV was on but we watched none of it. Instead, we sat under a big comforter on the couch with our feet up and talked for an hour about politics and life. Perhaps seemingly mundane, but it was utter bliss to me.
Enjoying those moments, as fleeting as they may be, remembering them, keeping them in my heart like they are part of my human fabric...that's how I am starting to build my "happy place". It's like an old photo album...an album of stored joyful, significant moments that I can visit anytime anywhere, and no one can take that place away from me. And now I can look at everyday as an opportunity to add moments to my happy place.
As we all work hard in our lives...secretly we are yearning for that happy place. Many of us self-medicate hoping to reach that place or we work harder trying to avoid that emptiness that grows wider and wider within ourselves. Our American society has built empires on "the fix" to this age old problem...the search for the happy place.When I recently moved to the City, I had hoped that it would make "all the difference" in my life....help me find a satisfaction I have been yearning for during the last ten years...help me find my happy place. I had submerged, and, yes, hidden, myself in my role as a mother when my ex left. But as the kids get older and I find that role no longer a sufficient cover story, well, time to engage again in life. Moving to the City has helped but has also been far more difficult than I anticipated. I have had to face my demons on a daily basis and realize that every day is a challenge and quite scary. All my anticipated plans for life are slowly crumbling away like old concrete. Marriage, children, home ownership...I feel like I am on a journey into a foggy place with no road map. It makes me realize why there are so many self-help books, gurus, and medications on the market. This growing up is hard to do.
So, I awake daily...looking closely at my choices through each day. I am one messed up person, but what I am learning is that I can make choices in a very deliberate fashion...good and bad...every day. No self-help book or diet or medication is going to help me find my happy place. My happy place is mine. And every day is mine. How cliché, right?! Well, strangely enough, I have never approached each day in its own merit...not since I was younger. Life became about "groups" of time. What I could achieve in 12 weeks...lose 20 pounds, get a promotion, get through the first trimester of my pregnancy. And after this last move, my life took a turbo leap. With the changes I am watching in my childrens' lives and my own encounter with cancer, it has become painfully clear...every day is a jewel. Again, cliché, but true. The hardest thing for me has been to enjoy moments...and find my happy place.
Today I shared a special moment with my son. I took an hour break from work a couple of months ago for lunch. My son and I were going to watch a TV show recording we had wanted to see. Funny how we thought watching TV was a bonding experience. The TV was on but we watched none of it. Instead, we sat under a big comforter on the couch with our feet up and talked for an hour about politics and life. Perhaps seemingly mundane, but it was utter bliss to me.
Enjoying those moments, as fleeting as they may be, remembering them, keeping them in my heart like they are part of my human fabric...that's how I am starting to build my "happy place". It's like an old photo album...an album of stored joyful, significant moments that I can visit anytime anywhere, and no one can take that place away from me. And now I can look at everyday as an opportunity to add moments to my happy place.
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