Day 54:
Thankful for my Chub. Don't tell me that didn't get your attention.
Gonna be back tracking again...my trusty "Chub" contains my notes of thankfulness for my missed blog days. Okay, I know some of you are snickering at my notebook's nickname, but it wasn't my choice, honest! Although, if I wanted to name it...what better!?
Life continues to explode every step I take. Venturing out of the comfort zone creates a new landscape all unto its own...completely unknown to me...and frightening. Every explosion that doesn't destroy me, takes my breath away, and I have to consciously regroup and remind myself of the journey. I must force myself to continue to break old habits. It is sometimes a very solitary journey...one I am guessing many of us make without saying a word, looking out from behind our own walls wondering if all those walking before us are also making this lonely journey to discovery.
Living with children and under the constant scrutiny of them and the ex-husband creates an even more daunting mine field with constant attempts to reveal my true self to those who want to see it and protect my true self from those out to destroy...or those who would rather me just disappear. It is a somewhat ugly dance of missteps, misconceptions, judgments of old, distortion of memories. I attempt to focus on the future, trying to release all anger and pain, attempting to create myself whole again.
I feel like a puzzle that has been thrown on the floor, only to be put together when time and the inclination permits. The dog has chewed on some of my pieces, some pieces seemed lost, only to have been recently found in someone's pocket, and as the original puzzle picture comes together, it is clearly worn with pieces not quite fitting together properly.
Thankful for my Chub. Don't tell me that didn't get your attention.
Gonna be back tracking again...my trusty "Chub" contains my notes of thankfulness for my missed blog days. Okay, I know some of you are snickering at my notebook's nickname, but it wasn't my choice, honest! Although, if I wanted to name it...what better!?
Life continues to explode every step I take. Venturing out of the comfort zone creates a new landscape all unto its own...completely unknown to me...and frightening. Every explosion that doesn't destroy me, takes my breath away, and I have to consciously regroup and remind myself of the journey. I must force myself to continue to break old habits. It is sometimes a very solitary journey...one I am guessing many of us make without saying a word, looking out from behind our own walls wondering if all those walking before us are also making this lonely journey to discovery.
Living with children and under the constant scrutiny of them and the ex-husband creates an even more daunting mine field with constant attempts to reveal my true self to those who want to see it and protect my true self from those out to destroy...or those who would rather me just disappear. It is a somewhat ugly dance of missteps, misconceptions, judgments of old, distortion of memories. I attempt to focus on the future, trying to release all anger and pain, attempting to create myself whole again.
I feel like a puzzle that has been thrown on the floor, only to be put together when time and the inclination permits. The dog has chewed on some of my pieces, some pieces seemed lost, only to have been recently found in someone's pocket, and as the original puzzle picture comes together, it is clearly worn with pieces not quite fitting together properly.
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