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Retro Wednesday:                               Large, Droopy Breasts

5/1/2013

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If you have ever known someone diagnosed with breast cancer, you know there is a myriad of consultations with multiple doctors one must go through prior to any treatment plan is devised. Who knew there were so many ways to "create" a boob!   I thought this appointment was just a sit down consultation.  Oops...there I go assuming again. 

"Here's a robe.  Undress from the waist up," the young, perky-boobed, assistant says matter-of-factly as she ushers me into an examination room.  Before I could protest or explain to her I was only there for a "consultation", the door closed. Unlike all the previous doctor appointments I had, all the women working in this office were gorgeous,
tall, thin, made-up, and just a little scary.  This was a world I never thought I would enter.  The robe is even a nice green fabric with the company's logo embroidered on it...like a spa...weird.  So, I wait for the surgeon, who is rated one of the top plastic surgeons in Wisconsin.  

Dr. Creepy, as I have since dubbed my plastic surgeon, whisks in and immediately gets to things, describing the several different ways to recreate a breast.  I won't get too detailed, but suffice it to say, it can be a very complicated procedure with muscles taken from other parts of the body...the stomach or back....or...oops, forgot I said I wouldn't get too detailed.  To make recommendations, the surgeon must measure me and the girls (my boobies).  

Now, talk about awkward.  I didn't know there were so many ways to measure a
breast.  In discussion, the doc at one point said, "Well, when I am dealing with
such large, droopy breasts like these..." I stopped him.  "Whooaaa," I exclaimed
with my hand up, half laughing, "Now, Dr. S, is that a medical term?"  Stunned, he clearly became embarrassed at his own detachment and ever so offensive remark.  At that point, the meeting took a much more comfortable turn and far less officious. 

I noticed he had his degree from USC on the wall, so we were able to discuss California as he continued to measure my breasts with a device that looked vaguely like a protractor combined with a vice grip.  So, for an hour and a half I once again got fondled in "OH" so not the way I was wishing for at this age.  

At first I was excited that I might get to have my tummy tucked at the same time, but that procedure actually takes muscle from the stomach and is more dangerous, a longer surgery, and causes longer downtime...I'd rather opt for losing weight and doing sit-ups. 

Today, no more large, droopy breasts. But in the almost 2 years since my bi-lateral, I have often wondered why people choose to have boob jobs. The surgery and resulting complications have clearly made it something I wouldn't think anyone would willingly subject themselves to. What price beauty?
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