Day 15: That look of disgust from your own teen-age child when you are already disgusted with yourself is possibly the most heart wrenching feeling. Well, maybe one of many we grow to feel as parents.
But today I give thanks for the unconscious uncoupling that is happening with my 2nd kid. Like child birth, the pain associated with your child entering the teenage years is very hard to describe until you have experienced it first hand. Whoopi Goldberg calls it the "teenage tunnel". I had coined the term the "teenage wormhole" years back when my son turned 14 and disappeared into the abyss known as puberty. Oh, their bodies and mouths are still around, consuming your food, yelling at you for being alive, demanding clothes, cab rides, the list goes on. But that baby you brought home from the hospital who grew into the young kid that ran into your arms, saying "I love you, Momma!", and thought you were the greatest...wormhole. The carcass that remains is often times a crabby, disinterested, unreachable creature that would just assume pretend you did not exist for the next 6+ years.
Often times the descent into the wormhole happens much faster than any of us anticipate. I believe the suddenness of the change is what makes the transition the most difficult for parents. We don't want to let go of that person we remember. And we sure don't want that sweet young kid to be replaced suddenly by this thing with horns. It is important to mourn but not for too long because, as a parent it is paramount to realize the kid is now entering far more dangerous territory than ever before. It makes keeping them from running across the street or eating dirt seem easy. Now we have to be more vigilant than ever but can't let them know we care TOO much. It's another new parent dance we must learn.
So, why be thankful? Well, for one, it is a healthy uncoupling. Children have to find their own identity by breaking ties with their parents, and, in doing so, have to often make us the villain...or the stupid one...or whatever nasty term they can muster that makes them feel they are not like us in anyway. No question that it hurts like hell. And I can honestly say it doesn't get easier with the second kid. But when I sat back and distanced myself from her rancor, I reminded myself that this is a necessary step towards her becoming a self sufficient adult who hopefully becomes secure in her own identity.
And I believe Mother Nature is wickedly clever in how she has children come into this world and develop. Think of it...babies are so adorable. Why? Because I believe it makes it easier for us to forsake our sleep and ourselves for such a helpless, sweet looking being. Then when kids become teenagers...they often become so rotten that we as parents are not that distraught when they move on into their own lives. It's a curious twist of fate. Ingenious, really...but also a little sadistic on the part of Mother Nature.
But today I give thanks for the unconscious uncoupling that is happening with my 2nd kid. Like child birth, the pain associated with your child entering the teenage years is very hard to describe until you have experienced it first hand. Whoopi Goldberg calls it the "teenage tunnel". I had coined the term the "teenage wormhole" years back when my son turned 14 and disappeared into the abyss known as puberty. Oh, their bodies and mouths are still around, consuming your food, yelling at you for being alive, demanding clothes, cab rides, the list goes on. But that baby you brought home from the hospital who grew into the young kid that ran into your arms, saying "I love you, Momma!", and thought you were the greatest...wormhole. The carcass that remains is often times a crabby, disinterested, unreachable creature that would just assume pretend you did not exist for the next 6+ years.
Often times the descent into the wormhole happens much faster than any of us anticipate. I believe the suddenness of the change is what makes the transition the most difficult for parents. We don't want to let go of that person we remember. And we sure don't want that sweet young kid to be replaced suddenly by this thing with horns. It is important to mourn but not for too long because, as a parent it is paramount to realize the kid is now entering far more dangerous territory than ever before. It makes keeping them from running across the street or eating dirt seem easy. Now we have to be more vigilant than ever but can't let them know we care TOO much. It's another new parent dance we must learn.
So, why be thankful? Well, for one, it is a healthy uncoupling. Children have to find their own identity by breaking ties with their parents, and, in doing so, have to often make us the villain...or the stupid one...or whatever nasty term they can muster that makes them feel they are not like us in anyway. No question that it hurts like hell. And I can honestly say it doesn't get easier with the second kid. But when I sat back and distanced myself from her rancor, I reminded myself that this is a necessary step towards her becoming a self sufficient adult who hopefully becomes secure in her own identity.
And I believe Mother Nature is wickedly clever in how she has children come into this world and develop. Think of it...babies are so adorable. Why? Because I believe it makes it easier for us to forsake our sleep and ourselves for such a helpless, sweet looking being. Then when kids become teenagers...they often become so rotten that we as parents are not that distraught when they move on into their own lives. It's a curious twist of fate. Ingenious, really...but also a little sadistic on the part of Mother Nature.
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